News in Brief – Vatican F-Bombs And Ash Wednesday Woes

Wednesday Woes

It’s all kicking off in the Football Association of Ireland after a 14-year-old boy was allegedly subjected to racial abuse during a school cup match. The African born player was taunted with “monkey chants” every time he touched the ball causing the referee to suspend the match. Classy. It’s possible the noises were misinterpreted though, have you seen the kind of people that follow football? For some of them this might actually as much grasp as they have on language.

RTE bosses were uttering the f word as “Irish Ukrainians, not Russians” was repeated over and over again for thirteen minutes during an interview with the Russian Ambassador Maxim Peshkov. Viewers were left wondering what in the name of Daniel O’Donnell was going on as the phrase continued on a loop during the broadcast. But what does it mean? Apart from the fact the sound-man couldn’t control his equipment. Who are these Irish Ukrainians and what are they up to that the Russians aren’t?

Also causing a ruckus out loud this week was the Pope. He said the f word during a speech at the Vatican. The f word! Jesus Christ. Apparently though the public were unfazed, cementing his position as the coolest cleric in Italy, even the world.

In other Godly news, parishioners receiving their Ash Wednesday dirty smudge have suffered burns and blisters in an occurrence less divine and more OOWW! According to those that know, the ashes had turned caustic as the leaves used to make them had been too dry. That’s right, dry, remember that feeling? We had such a long, hot summer last year that the ashes used to mark the beginning of this Lenten period were actually poisonous. It was only when a Galway Priest sent the ashes off to be tested they discovered the truth. An odd thing to do given his job is to preach about a magical invisible man, who can turn water into wine, heal the sick and raise the dead. Obviously his powers only go so far.

And finally, in Limerick a lack of biros in a local Garda Station has been blamed for “threatening and abusive” behavior after potential inmates were told to fill in forms with their own pens. Good god does the UN know? Someone tell Bono!

So that’s that watch out for Irish Ukrainians, not Russians and if you’re popping out for a bit of drunk and disorderly tonight take a pen.

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